The Great Acting Blog: "Why The Panic Set In, by Alfie Black"

Alfie Black is a London based actor.

 

Throughout my career I have never really suffered any panic  attacks whilst performing. That was of course until I filmed the pivotal interior scene from Phone Box Gun. Even though I originally met the writer/director James Devereaux whilst working on a Theatre production some time ago, it is safe to say over the years we have become firm friends and the director/friend line may now have blurred. It was with this wrong way of thinking I approached his latest project. Knowing he had written the role for me, I got lazy and showed up at school without doing my homework. I half heartedly learnt my lines and I did not research the structure of the script. Not being too harsh on myself anyone who has memorised Devereaux’s dialogue, knows this is no easy feat. His tricky wordplay is not supposed to be a breeze, just like the man himself, nothing is ever straight forward. I could make excuses,  blame it on personal problems, lack of sleep and heavy drinking. No excuse in the world will save you when the Mike Tyson of acting comes charging out of his corner towards you. My simple lack of preparation was my major downfall. Once I had the added pressure of the camera rolling, it was fully clear I did not know my lines 100%, which is why the panic set in. When you start to worry about each word not arriving it destroys the flow of the acting. The Director who demands truth from a scene was witnessing a fake performance. I threw myself into the deep end and even though I was treading water, the shore was a long way out of sight. I am a fighter myself and I never give up, I was determined not to quit. With each take my confidence grew and I began to find my balance and fight back.  I managed to use the fear and stress I was feeling and turn it into something real. Battling hunger and frustration we got to the end of what was a difficult shoot. Even though I had disappointed myself with a lack of professionalism, I was proud of what we achieved that day. I will never forget the terror I had during the filming and I know I grew stronger as an artist because of it.