The Great Acting Blog: "First Response"

Check out this promo clip from Closure Of Catharsis, a new feature film by Rouzbeh Rashidi. Generally, seeing myself on screen has little or no affect on me. Many actors say they hate seeing themselves act, and some pretend to be indifferent. Others get very nervous at the prospect of seeing themselves up there, or even giggly. But I'm not one of them. It's true that I become irritated when I detect moments of falsity in my work, largely because it's so unnecessary, but even then, I will analyse my work and seek to improve it for next time. I see acting as a task, it isn't a game, it's work, and, as such, I'm always able to view my performances (whether on stage or on camera) objectively, in the same way a carpenter might view a chair. Similarly, I am not a self-loathing actor always berating himself that he could have “worked harder”, no, when my performance is good, I will acknowledge it to myself and strive to understand why it was good, so that I can then proceed with an understanding of the value of what it is I do. This week I saw, for the first time, Closure Of Catharsis, the new feature film by Rouzbeh Rashidi, in which I play a lead role. The film's about a man trying to remember a trauma from his past which he has repressed. And, as always with Rashidi's work, what we get is not traditional storytelling, but a cinema of moments, created by the poetic interchange of sound and image.  Readers of my blogpost, “A Very Real Mystery”, will know that Rashidi intentionally works without a script, and doesn't even direct his actors, or try to help shape their performance, but instead lets them improvise by responding to their immediate situations. Infact, when we shot my scenes for Closure Of Catharsis, Rashidi was not even present for the vast majority of my improvisation, but deliberately wandered off for 20 or 30 minutes at a time, leaving me to my own devices infront of camera. When I first watched the film, it was impossible for me to really enjoy the filmmaking or the film itself in the way an audience might, because I was so preoccupied with analysing my own  performance in it; weighing up the value of each movement and gesture, applying my bullshit detector. However, the interesting point with Closure Of Catharsis was that I had to see my work for what it was, I had to take full responsibility for it. There was no script for me to moan about, and I couldn't grumble about a “meddling director”, because here was one who left me to my own devices, my only boundary being the frame within which I had been placed, and sometimes not even the frame as when I stepped outside of it. I quickly realised just how comforting it is to have a playwright or a director I could shovel some of the responsibility onto. But it was also refreshing to have this unfettered view of my work, to really get to the truth of the matter. And I learned a great deal from the experience, primarily that I can afford to be even more patient during improvisation, and that I should trust my imagination more. Upon subsequent viewings, I got my performance out of my system, and was able to simply relax and enjoy the movie. Rashidi has produced a remarkable picture, one of visual poetry and a dark,  brooding atmosphere, it's a film which I am proud to have participated in. I could say a lot more, but it's difficult to speak about a film in which I was so heavily involved, suffice to say that I screened the film for a few friends who were very excited by it, and I can only hope as many people get to see it as possible.